My latest essay…
I spent a year working on my essay “Drive-by”. It started as fragmented, became a narrative, grew huge, shrunk back, and on and on. I needed this essay to be perfect. It’s my heart. It’s my baby. I’ve never loved an essay I’ve written more than this one. It chronicles a turning point in my life, a moment I could admit I missed my mother after years of no contact between us.
It’s taken a while to find the right home, but it DID find the right home at Full Grown People, a journal that that looks at “the sometimes glorious, sometimes messy, stuff that comes with adulthood.” I can’t begin to list the people who helped me workshop this piece in all its forms (thank you everyone!), but I will say thank you to Lynn Hall who has been the biggest champion of this essay since I wrote it and for her amazing editing skills to help me cut 1500 words from it. And thank you to FGP’s founder and editor Jennifer Niesslein for publishing and fine tuning it. I am so happy to have this essay birthed into the world today. I hope you’ll share in the journey (both the journey to publication and the literal drive-by of the story) with me.
“I wonder if reliving our childhood through day-long drives, as we often do, gives us insight to the ways the past intertwines with the now. Sometimes we don’t know how we really feel until we come close to the object that excites us, or haunts us, or excites and haunts us all at once, like our mother.”
It took me a while to find the time and the space to read this. I didn’t want to read it at work, and I didn’t want to explain all my tears to Lucia. I knew I would cry. Every iteration of this story I’ve read makes me cry – motherhood is emotional. But oh my God, this is so beautiful. I read each comment after the story and they all felt that through your words. The beauty of a mother’s love and the desolation of her destruction of it, all echoed delicately in the early spring landscape of SE Colorado. I am in awe of you Cathy – to come from such hurt and write something so honest and beautiful. That’s a gift. I love you. Carol Date: Wed, 2 Sep 2015 20:41:20 +0000 To: email@example.com
Oh Carol, you make me emotional reading your comment. Thank you for such a thoughtful response and for reading my final, final version of this essay, along with all the others. I love you so much. Just makes me touched to see your response.
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